Friday, 29 January 2016

Week 4- The Final

I gripped the colossal bat as the fielders got ready. My hands were trembling, my team depended on me. The hat I was wearing drooped over my eyes at the worst possible moment,just when the bowler had thrown the hard white ball. I swung my brown bat aimlessly not knowing where the ball was. Even though I missed the ball I jogged round the square and back to base I hung my head,but later that day the town was cheering at me for we won. I allowed myself to be picked up into the air as I smiled.

Lottie, 5W

2 comments:

  1. Dear Lottie,
    I really like this 100 Word Challenge. I like the amount of adjectives you have used throughout your piece of writing is really good. I like that you have said 'but later that day', but kept talking about the same subject and not started talking about something else. However don't forget, you need a space after a comma. You have also left out some punctuation in this sentence 'Even though I missed the ball I jogged round the square and back to base I hung my head,but later that day the town was cheering at me for we won.' Can you spot where?
    Good luck in the next 100wc. Maybe you could visit our blog at http://ribbledriveprimary.net/yearsix2015/
    From Ellie

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  2. Love aimlessly Lottie. Please check your punctuation near the end but excellent effort.

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