Friday 22 January 2016

Week 3- Mountain on Mars

As I stopped to take a breath I scanned the horizon and saw a red mountain in the distance. A look of exhaustion crossed my face. I could go no further. Just then, I remembered that it was very windy on Mars and that I had an umbrella in my rucksack. I pulled it out and struggled to open it. Eventually, I managed to do it. My umbrella was jet black and almost instantly it shot up with me holding onto the handle for dear life. As I floated towards the hard mountain I saw planet Earth as a dot.

Lottie 5W
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1 comment:

  1. Anonymous23 January 2016 at 12:43

    Dear Lottie,
    I think this is a really good 100wc. I like the part where you said 'A look of exhaustion crossed my face.' The word exhaustion is a really good word to use, other than just saying tired. I also like the way you have left the reader guessing about when you are, up until you said 'Just then, I remembered that it was very windy on Mars and that I had an umbrella in my rucksack.' Look at the last sentence,'As I floated towards the hard mountain I saw planet Earth as a dot.' I think this sentence needs a comma, do you agree?
    Good luck in the next 100wc!
    Maybe you could visit our blog at http://ribbledriveprimary.net/yearsix2015/
    From Ellie

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