Wednesday 20 January 2016

Week 3- The amazing adventure to Candy Land

I jumped on the train to candyland and zoomed there as fast as it could. When I got there, I went to the exit door and found myself standing on a big red, hard bed. I smelt really nice and I realised it was chocolate! On the chocolate mountain, I saw a marshmallow umbrella floating on the surface of the brown liquid. Everything was made out of candy marshmallows and chocolate! When I was about to eat some, some little gnomes came to me saying “Do not eat!” so I stopped. Oh no! I was trapped in the candy land!

Lily, 4N

1 comment:

  1. Paris: Student at Roehampton University21 January 2016 at 02:27

    Hello Lily, your ideas here are very imaginative. I like that you have used a variety of sentence lengths and structures throughout this piece of writing, in order to show feeling and suspense. Your writing would be even better if you proof read your work. Well done! I'm sure you have many more ideas for this piece of writing, so I hope you to continue to expand on your writing.

    ReplyDelete