Saturday, 16 January 2016

Week 2 - The Haunted Mansion

As I joined the queue for the haunted mansion, I was next. I went inside and stepped into a lift. Abruptly, the lift stopped! My heart raced as I banged on the walls. And when I looked in the mirror my tears were as red as blood and my teeth were getting longer like a vampire and murders of crows were circling me! I screamed, when unexpectedly, I heard my mother asking “Are you ok?” And I was confused to find myself in bed! I thought “It was a dream!” But I looked at my hands and saw red splodges!

Varshini 6R


  1. I really enjoyed your story it is very well written. You've described your feelings and the tension really well. How did you feel when you woke up and saw the red splodges on your hands?

  2. What an excellent telling of a horrific story. There's a lovely use of expressive writing to bring the story to life. I am very impressed by your use of embedded clauses. How would you conclude the story if it had not all been a dream?

  3. I like how you have used a simile and metaphor in your story to create imagery. There was very good use of descriptive language which made me feel like I was there. Maybe next time you could use different connectives instead of 'and'.