Friday, 15 January 2016

Week 2 - My Future Dream

My alarm started screeching and woke me up. I got ready and left my house in record time. Arriving at the station, I boarded the train only to hear an exasperating announcement that it had broken down. Scampering off the train, I frantically raced to the bus stop just to see it departing. Feeling distressed, I knew I had to hurry. Luckily, I spotted my friend’s gleaming, shiny car. She drove me speedily to Cobham. I leapt out and skedaddled to my future dream. I was feeling relieved as I joined the queue to be the first child in space….

Ella 3C

5 comments:

  1. Well done Ella, I really like the vocabulary you have used. Words such as 'exasperating' and 'skedaddled' really bring your piece of writing alive. I wonder what would happen if you really did get to go to space?

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  2. Dear Ella,
    I really enjoyed reading your 100 Word Challenge. My favourite part is when you said 'My alarm started screeching and woke me up.' What I like about this sentence is the word screeching, I think this because it's better than saying 'My alarm woke me up.' I also like the way you have used the prompt by talking about queuing up to go into space. Well done and good luck in the next 100wc.
    Maybe you could come visit our blog at http://ribbledriveprimary.net/yearsix2015/
    From Ellie

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  3. Good use of the adjectives 'exasperating', 'distressed' and the verb 'scampering', your choice of language really helps to relate to how you must have been feeling. Maybe you could use some different punctuation to end your story with, rather than .... an exclamation mark would also work well here. Queuing to be the first child in space sounds very exciting!

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  4. Hi Ella,
    This is a great piece of work, you have used some fantastic describing words such as, 'exasperating' and 'skedaddled'. I would love to know what happens next in the story, heading in to space sounds so exciting.
    Can't wait to read more of your work.

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  5. Your use of descriptive language is amazing, you really bring the story to life as if I am right there with you whilst you are 'frantically' running around trying to find a mode of transport.
    Well done.
    Harry Fisk, student of University of Roehampton.

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