Saturday, 16 January 2016

Week 2 - Haunted House

As I joined the queue, streaming light was everywhere. However, as fast as lightening, it became dim. How is that possible? I was on my way home with my best friend Nate. We were having fun until we passed a spooky house. Maybe it was haunted...We froze with terror. Nate wanted to go in, but I did not, I had to be brave and go in with him or otherwise I might make a fool out of myself. We went in to the haunted house; we heard spooky noises everywhere. We had to get out immediately...

Zad 6R

4 comments:

  1. Zad, I am pleased that you have related your ideas to your spooky story writing. You have managed to include a range of punctuation, well done! I like your image, 'As I joined the queue, streaming light was everywhere,' but how does this relate to being on the way home? Perhaps next time, you could try to link your ideas effectively.

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  2. Zad, I really enjoyed reading this piece.The use of punctuation in this piece is very good at creating suspense especially the use of the ellipsis. However, try not to make your sentences too long with the over use of commas, as short sentences also help with suspense. Perhaps next time try and include more feeling adjectives to help show the reader how each character feels about the situation.

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  3. Thanks everyone for taking the trouble to read my little story, I will take the comments on board.

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