Wednesday, 13 January 2016

Week 2- 100 Word Ferry Story!

It was my birthday and we were on the car ferry to the Isle of Wight. The barnacles on the side of the boat looked like they had been glued on in a pattern. We parked our car and as I opened the door, an icy chill drifted down the back of my top which made me shudder. Finally we made our way up on deck. As my sister and I queued for pizza, a boy next to the rail dropped his glasses over the edge, he leaned over but suddenly slipped. I ran over, thinking what could I do….

Ria, 5L

3 comments:

  1. Well done Ria, I like how you have left your writing on a cliffhanger. I wonder what you could do to help? Great use of descriptive language - I really like 'an icy chill drifted down the back of my top which made me shudder'

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  2. Great work Ria, my class and I really enjoyed your writing and the way you left it as a cliffhanger as we all wanted to know what was going to happen next. We also liked the good use of descriptive phrases as we were able to build up a picture, inside our heads, of the story.

    Next time try and use some different punctuation as there are sentences which could end in an exclamation mark!

    Mr G and Year 5 of Churchill Primary

    PS: Please come and take a look at our blog http://churchillprimary.primaryblogger.co.uk/

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  3. I like the ending. I am wondering what happened next! It is very good indeed!

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